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Is it Love or Control? How Love and Control May Influence our Destiny

James LeValley asked:

We all find ourselves in the situation of being the controller or the one who is controlled. Either scenario is one where we are not in control of ourselves because if we are the controller, we may feel inadequate and need to control somebody to raise our self-worth. If you allow someone to have control over you, this may show people that you lack self-worth. In either situation, your energy and focus is misdirected away from your vision.

Our very first experience with control is with our parents and they called it love. We take this love experience and build on it throughout life. However good or bad this experience turns out to be, this is our first model of both control and love.

We either preoccupy our mind worrying about how to love or control someone else, or we think about how to overcome the control placed on us. So what are you do, you ask? First, you must have love for yourself and put your thoughts toward your needs. When you do this, your focus stays on yourself and your vision, and you can direct your energy toward accomplishing your goals.

It seems that a prerequisite for all greatness is ridicule, and the motive may be to control your environment, your circumstances, and your success. For what is control? Control is a measure that is used to dominate one another. The domination is a reflection upon a lack of self-love, or the inferiority felt for that individual being dominated. From the beginning of time, humans have always tried to control one another through whatever means is available. A common method of control is to defame the character of the individual looking to step out of their box and into greatness.

We all have been at some point very proud of a fantastic idea or business plan that requires some changes in our life. We are so proud of our decisions, we just naturally want to share it with our loved ones, family and friends. However, out of love for you, they feel they must protect you from yourself. So they hit you with their opinions, “BAM” right in the kisser, with all the reasons in the world why you should not do this thing that will determine what and who you really are. They hit you with so much negative love/control that what most of us do is get discouraged and give up on the process. Are they acting out of love? Or are they reacting out of fear by trying to control your life?

When we demean another person, is it to take control in a sense over that person by making ourselves feel better, because now that person feels belittled? By draining their energy, the focus is no longer on achieving and accomplishing their goals and livelihood. Their energy shifts toward warding off the negative untruths, which accomplishes nothing.

Are we a society of controllers? Is control so important that we can’t allow anyone to be better than us? It is almost as if it is built-in to our DNA. Why are we this way? As human beings, we need to love and to give love. We often misconstrue love for control, and when this happens, that is where our friends and family get hurt.

The only control that anyone may have is perceived control. Some people are easily intimidated when they are in a position of challenge. This is sensed, like when an animal senses fear in its prey. That is when it pounces and attacks. When we show fear it make us receptive to allow the attack or control.

Our lives have become so convoluted, that when the goal or the vision we try to achieve for ourselves is not fulfilled, we feel we lose control over our environment and react out of fear. Then we feel that control must be used to achieve our vision. Desperate people might care less who they use or how they use them.

In order to keep control over yourself and your environment, reassess the commitment you have for your dream. Are you willing to put forth the physical and emotional energy it takes to achieve that dream? When someone hits you with a negative reaction, you may ask the question to yourself, “Is this statement true?” If you find within your own mind that it is not, then you make the choice to keep the thought or to dismiss it as untruth.

It’s unlikely you can convince everyone in your life to believe in your vision. As long as you believe in yourself and your dream, you really only need a small handful of like-minded people to draw upon for support. Seek out those who have no expectations for you to get constructive feedback, even if it means asking strangers for their opinion because they have no emotional interest in your life.

Live your vision now. When you see the vision, start being in the vision. Taking the steps to achieve each small goal creates the ultimate vision. This keeps you actively living the vision.

How much do believe in your dream? Is it enough to do whatever is necessary to make it a reality? If the answer is yes, then it is up to you to go for it. The rewards will be worth the energy spent to achieve it. There are people that will give you their feedback about your ideas. When this happens, ask yourself if this feedback comes out of love or control for you. The only thing that really matters is what you think. After all, can anyone really live your life for you? It is your life to live, so live it to the fullest. Live your dream and be in your passion.

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