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Conflict Resolution

How to Resolve Conflicts in Your Marriage

Lisa Granger asked:

Conflicts and disagreements in a marriage are natural. All couples have experienced periods of discord at one time or another during the course of their relationship. As there are instances when personalities clash, there are healthy ways to resolve these conflicts without the threat of terminating the relationship.

If for example you’ve set up a date to meet your spouse somewhere for dinner and he/she turns up late, your first instinct may be to attack him/her and let out all the mistakes he/she has made in the past. This is definitely not the right approach to this situation.

Instead of going ballistic, listen to their explanation first. There might be a very good reason for their being late. Becoming hot-tempered and hasty is not going to resolve the issue. Of course, there may be some difficulty in keeping your temper under control, especially if it’s not the first time this has happened. But once you’ve understood the reason for their being late, you’ll be glad you remained calm and patient. If your spouse does make it a habit of being late for appointments, then a mild scolding will be in order, but don’t let it get out of hand.

Whatever the reason for your conflict there are a few things you can do to make up:

Invite your spouse out for a make up date Cook an extra special dinner for him/her Buy her flowers or a box of chocolates Write a love letter Write a poem of love song Call your favorite radio station and dedicate a song to him/her

These ideas really work, or come up with some of your own, be creative. In the height of an argument, inserting a joke or funny comment at the right time can have you both laughing and eventually you’ll forget that you were bickering.

There are two things vital to conflict resolution:

listening, not just hearing knowing when to back down

The reason why most disagreements turn into a shouting match is because each wants the other to see his/her point of view. Even though the argument is not your fault, throw in the towel. The shouting match is getting you nowhere. This is no time for pride. You must do this if you love your spouse enough to make amends and bring things back to some degree of normalcy.

Open your mind and ears to the other person’s point of view. Do not harbor any preconceived notions about the what’s and why’s of the argument.

Conflicts and disagreements in a relationship are inevitable. You are two different people with different personalities and ideas. You will end up in situations where your ideas will be at odds. This is only natural and in order to avoid unnecessary conflict is to sit down and talk to each other.

Conflicts also help to build a bond in your relationship, you just need to know how to correctly deal with them.

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