Conflict Resolution

Living Without Compromise

Lynne Morrell asked:

What would your life be like if you stopped compromising? What would your day be like if you stopped watering down what you wanted and began listening to what was important to you? What would this moment be like if you let yourself be completely comfy and settled in while reading this article, rather than skimming it and thinking about what you need to do next?

Now let’s back up a moment. What do I mean by living a life without compromise? I mean living a life that gives you and everyone around you the room to fully show up.

Here is an example: As a coach, I work with many people who experience conflict in theirrelationships with partners, kids, friends, etc. These conflicts often have the underlying thread of “I am right. That person is wrong.” At some point someone in the conflict decides to compromise just to get it over with. The person who “won” may feel good for a bit. The person who compromised may feel relieved that “it” is over, though soon resentment or other uncomfortable feelings start moving in. Basically, in this scenario no one “won.”

I encourage people to find a different way to resolve these conflicts by giving up compromise. What if there is no “right vs. wrong.” What if both of you are “right?” What if there is a way for both of you to get what you wanted? What if you spent some time getting clear about what you want? What if you listen to what the other person wants? I mean really listen without judgment. Wow!!!

Now we are talking a personal stretch. Now we are talking some new lines of creativity. Now we are talking new levels of intimacy.

Look at your life. Where do you compromise? Where do you water your life down? A great way to explore where you are is to ask yourself “What is important to me?” If being a loving parent is important to you and you find that you are short with your kids or don’t have enough quality time with them, here is a place where you are compromising. If being a supportive wife, husband or partner is important but you find that you are constantly critical of them, here is a place where you are compromising. If spending time in nature is important to you but you never seem to find the time to get away, here is a place where you are compromising.

Sometimes when you begin to examine your life you may become overwhelmed. “My whole life is a compromise” said a client. As we looked closer she discovered that many parts of her life were lined up with what was important to her.

Notice the places where you live free from compromise. Give yourself tons of kudos for this! Then gently look at the places where you want some improvement. Perhaps with life coaching and just a little adjusting here and a little adjustment there, you can have a life where more and more of you is showing up to a life without compromise.


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